The rulebook for dating people for guys

Maintaining a strong, happy relationship can be difficult work – but it doesn’t have to be.  Follow the 6 relationship rules for men described below, and you’ll have a much easier time creating loving relationships with the women you date.

Rule #1 Don’t “fix” her problems

An important relationship rule for men who want easier relationships is to avoid the urge to try and “fix” her problems.  When the girl you’re dating starts venting about the people and things causing stress in her life, don’t just offer your solutions.  Because chances are she’s not looking for solutions – she just wants to be heard.

So instead, just listen to what she has to say and validate how she feels.  Simply supporting her will create a stronger emotional connection between you.  This alone can automatically get her to start feeling better.  You can then find out if she’s interested in your advice by asking “Would you like any advice on how to handle that situation?”  If she says yes, offer your tips for solving her problem.  If not, all she’s really looking for is that connection.  So just continue listening and empathizing with her situation.

Rule #2 Set Boundaries

If you want a quality relationship then you’ve got to set boundaries.  You need to draw a line and let your girl know exactly what you will and won’t accept from your relationship.  Some guys are hesitant to set boundaries as they’re worried it’ll chase the girl away.  But the fact is women are more attracted to guys who set and enforce boundaries.  After all no girl wants a guy she can walk all over.  Women want a strong man who has standards.

You can set boundaries both in regards to how the girl treats you or how the relationship is defined.  You may, for example, find that the girl you’re dating has a habit of teasing you in a way you don’t appreciate.  Or perhaps you think she gets a little too friendly with other guys when you go out.  In either case, calmly let her know exactly what behaviors you won’t tolerate.  If she continues pushing those boundaries you’ll have to find a way to enforce them.  That may mean you need to take time (even if it’s just a night) away from her – so she can see you’re serious.

Rule #3 Working through your issues

When setting boundaries – or working through any other relationship problem – a good relationship rule for men is to avoid assigning blame or making personal attacks.  The more confrontational your words and attitude are when trying to work through a problem, the harder it’s going to be reach a resolution.

Instead of calling her names or blaming her for problems, simply let her know how certain behaviors make you feel.  For example, let’s say you’re upset because she never bothered to introduce you to her friends when you were out the night before.  Instead of saying “You’re so rude, you should have introduced me to your friends” try saying something like “It hurt that you didn’t introduce me, I felt like you didn’t want me there.  Next time I’d really appreciate an introduction”.  By phrasing it this way you’re not attacking, blaming, or trying to control her.  You’re simply stating how you feel and what you’d like.  As a result she’ll be far more willing to do things your way.

Rule #4 Make time for other friends/activities

A great relationship rule for men to follow to make sure a relationship is lifting you up – and not dragging you down – is to carve out some time for yourself.  After all you don’t want to be one of those guys who only gets fulfillment from this one relationship.  That puts a lot of pressure on things to always go well – and the smallest bumps in the relationship can feel like major catastrophes.

So make a point to continue getting satisfaction and fulfillment from other areas of your life.  Make time for old friends and the activities you enjoy.  Doing so will keep you from needing too much from your relationship.  And it’ll be easier to sit back and enjoy the relationship for what it is.

Rule #5 Don’t take the relationship for granted

Guys will often put a lot of energy and effort into getting a girl, but then back-off once they’ve got her.  They’ll stop going on fun dates and pay less attention to her as time goes on.  This can make a girl feel resentful and underappreciated, and turn the relationship stale.

To make sure you don’t become one of those guys continue putting effort and energy into your relationship.  Surprise your girl with little gifts, phone calls, or messages that show you how much you appreciate her.  Keep taking her on fun dates and having new experiences together.  Doing all this keeps the relationship strong and exciting, so this is a key relationship rule for men to follow.

(For additional tips on how to create a successful relationship, click here)

Rule #6 If it’s time to move on…

If the relationship no longer does it for you then it may be time to cut the cord and move on.  Some guys are hesitant to do this and will stay in the relationship until they find a new girl to date.  But this is a huge problem for two reasons:  First, it’s wildly unfair to the girl who thinks she’s in a committed relationship.  And second, if you’re not fully committed to going after that next girl it’s going to take that much longer to find her.  So if you know a relationship is over have that talk and move on.  Then you’ll be in a much better position to start a new, fresh relationship with someone else.

More relationship rules and advice

The relationship rules for men described above will help you create stronger relationships.  But just as important as creating strong relationships is being able to spot the warning signs that a relationship is in trouble.  For tips on how to do that check out this article on relationship red flags.

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

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