Dating for christian girls

This is a shame because I think as a result of guys and girls being so cautious with one another, a couple of problems arise.

1) Christians Are Hearing Contradictory Messages
Most Christians believe marriage is a good thing that singles should pursue. And since friendship is the essence of marriage, we often tell them they should be friends with someone before ever marrying them. However, we also tell them that they should be weary about opposite-sex friendships. Simply put, this is what Christians are hearing:

"It's good for Christians to get married"
"Stop talking to each other!"
"Why aren't you married?"

This creates a confusing landscape for singles to navigate through when their spiritual guides seem to be giving contrary messages for them to follow. 

2) Christians Will Date Outside the Church
If this is the awkward party that Christians must navigate through to find a dance partner, then should we be surprised when they end up looking elsewhere? Should we be shocked when they look for romance online or end up seeing a non-Christian? Have we made the church an unappealing arena to find a dance partner?

By no means am I saying that the church should be seen as some kind of dating meat-market. It's weird if people mainly visited your Sunday worship in order to find a mate. But if we make it really weird to find ever find one in the community, we should expect our members to look elsewhere.

3) Male-Female Relationships Are Important in the Church
The stigma that guys and girls should be weary of befriending one another doesn't only hinder potential dating relationships - it hinders the church community. Again, I understand why guys and girls need to approach friendships with each other differently. But this shouldn't mean the two sexes should always sit together in opposite sides of the church like some kind of middle school dance.

After all, God created the church to be filled with both men and women. We reflect the body of Christ not by attending church together but by relating and ministering to one another. But this image is tainted when the genders avoid one another. As Jen Wilkins writes, "We've grown positively phobic about friendship between men and women, and this is bad for the church...How else can we truly refer to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ?"

Conclusion
By no means am I saying that this awkward guy-girl dynamic exists only within the church. As I mentioned earlier, this is a social riddle that plagues every social circle. But I think the church perpetuates the problem by drawing sharp, seemingly holy distinctions that, in my mind, looks kind of silly.

And I'm not necessarily saying that guys and girls at church need to loosen up and start hanging out one-on-one. Rather, I'm just pointing out an interesting social dynamic that seems to exist in the church. And because of this dynamic, the church has become an environment that makes the possibility of dating feel a bit awkward.

But let's say you actually find somebody you like. Let's say you're that guy who naturally falls for a girl because you admire how godly she looked building that hut in Africa on missions. And let's say she feels the same way about you. Since your guy's intentions are now clear, surely things become less complicated, right? Think again. More on this next time.