Dating nice guy but not attracted

I saw a game show clip where the question asked was something like, “100 single men were polled and asked how many sexual partners should a woman have before she marries?”

The top answer was 5. Oh, sweet Jesus. Sadly, in some fantasy world most Nice Guys would agree with this answer.

Questions Nice Guys ask that should send your radar on high alert:

• When was the last time you had sex?
• How many men have you slept with?
• Have you ever had sex with someone outside your race?
• How sexually experienced are you?

Get ready! You’re about to be judged. It’s a no win question.

I’ve had guys ask me all these questions on a first date. That immediately tells me two things: they’re only interested in sex and they’re incredibly insecure about their own experience and abilities.

Maybe it’s his Nice Guy syndrome that’s caused him to have fewer sexual partners than you and he feels lame. When you tell them the truth and they think that number is high, they can’t get past it.

Nice Guys expect you to uphold their expectations. They feel safer knowing you have less to compare them to. A Good Man doesn’t ask these questions because he’s confident in his ability to woo you, with or without sex. If he’s into you, he doesn’t care.

Next time you’re asked these crazy questions and your stomach turns, know you’ve just met a Nice Guy.

If he judges you on your past or your sexual history you shouldn’t feel bad, you should feel turned off. A high value woman won’t feel the need to justify herselfby answering these questions.

A woman with low self-worth will analyze these questions and stress over how to answer them.

Another sign you have a Nice Guy with skewed sexual values is when he takes you out for dinner and drinks and expects sex in return, and acts out when he doesn’t get it. He feels he’s invested and now it’s owed to him. He might not be above begging for sex, either.

I went on a date with a guy who’d driven two hours to take me out. During dinner he popped a pill. I asked him what it was and with a smile and a wink he said, “It’s Viagra.”

Uh… what? I thought he just drove up to take me to dinner and was going back home. Turns out he’d even rented a hotel room.

When I told him sex wasn’t happening he got angry. He tried to guilt me saying he’d driven 2 hours, spent over $200 on dinner and a hotel room, and how could I tell him no?

He thought I owed him something. I felt more like a hooker than his date. Then he went into his expectations of our relationship. What relationship?! This was a first, and only, date.

He listed things I should give, and things he wanted me to give up, like wine, which he’d bought me at dinner. He didn’t drink. I couldn’t get out of there, or block his number, fast enough.

A Good Man would have accepted my answer, no questions asked, and taken his happy ass back to the hotel room. Or really, a Good Man wouldn’t have made such assumptions and rented a room in the first place.

We’ve all experienced the man who comes on strong only to fade or disappear in a few weeks or couple of months.

They love bomb you. They want to see you constantly, they text you good morning, good night and keep in constant contact. You begin to wonder if they have a life at all.

Their self-pacing mechanism is non-existent. This man doesn’t even know you yet, but he puts his need for instant gratification above everything else. You think he wants a good woman, but what he wants is attention and validation of his worth.

He doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want to put in the work (time) to get it. He jumps in and when it doesn’t look like his fantasy, he jumps right back out.

I’m blown away by how many women have stories of men talking marriage and babies within weeks of meeting. He’s usually telling her what he thinks she wants to hear in hopes of getting what he wants. Then the fantasy fades, reality sets in, and he’s gone.

Nice Guys want to please you and often give up their own needs to do so. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to please a woman. A Good Man wants to please a woman, but he isn’t going to forsake himself to do so.

Nice Guys expect appreciation for their pleasing efforts. Yes, we should know that men want to be appreciated, and give that willingly, but the Nice Guy expects it and will make it known when he doesn’t get it to his satisfaction.

They over-give when you didn’t ask them to, and then get hurt when you don’t go overboard on your appreciation. They over-give to create opportunities to get the approval and validation they so desperately want.

When a man makes his giving about him and not you, you’ve just met a Nice Guy. It’s normal for your attraction to drop a notch.

A good man gives without expectations and a high value woman shows her appreciation without having to be asked, because she feels safe to do so.

Nice Guys give and they give a lot, with an agenda and expectation attached in the form of validation.

You aren’t crazy to not be attracted to these so-called Nice Guys. It’s normal. It’s your gut screaming at you. High value women learn to listen to and trust their intuition.

If you ignore these red flags you might get in too deep and then leaving becomes a difficult mess. It’s exhausting trying to stand on the pedestal they put you on. Filling up their empty well isn’t your job.

A high value woman recognizes the difference between a Nice Guy and a Good Man and won’t feel the need to justify her lack of attraction. The more you get to know yourself and trust your intuition, the easier it will be to suss these guys out and leave them by the side of the road.