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He said "I love you" first, after about 4 and a half to 5 and a half months. I honestly can't remember how fast in previous relationships "I love you" was said, but I am sure it was less than a year. I think this is fairly standard but of could not tell you exact averages without conducting polls. So here are someone else's polls: Plenty more are easily Google-able. Now, this is not exactly Einstein level science I mean, duh but there does seem to be a consensus and it's not "1.

This really nails the issue and might explain why so many of us are saying from experience to cut your losses now. It's an enormous red flag potentially indicating someone who knows they want all the trappings of a long-term stable relationship, but who is willing to use you to get those trappings before he's sure that he wants those things with you. Further, this is a red flag that he will continue to keep stringing you along while he tries to decide whether he can live with settling for you, and sees nothing wrong with asking that of you.

Please don't underestimate the damage that chasing his love will do to you and your relationship while he tries to figure it out; even if he finally decides he does love you after another year, what damage will have been done to your relationship in the meantime? Or to your self-worth? It also sets up a potentially problematic power imbalance in your relationship that could be really difficult to drop even if he does change his mind about loving you.

Your time is absolutely precious - don't waste it planning a future with someone who won't even commit to loving you. Just be mindful not to waste your invaluable time and love on someone who is literally telling you explicitly that he is unwilling or incapable of returning it. It's possible to get complicated and interesting about the definition of love, and sure there are some probably wrong-headed notions we have via Hollywood. And there are some cultures in which romantic, sexualized, monogamous love isn't considered foundational for marriage.

But you didn't grow up with that script or those expectations. Imo the definition of love I think most of us are operating under normative love, of course there are exceptions can be pretty simply expressed. There's something sexual in it, something friendly, clear preference above other candidates because the sexy stuff and friendliness are so great, and commitment. It doesn't shouldn't take more than 18 months to establish whether those elements are present.

Honestly, it's just a word. From your description, you have a very good relationship with this person.

Other than this, do you have any reasons to doubt his commitment to you? I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year, and I rather foolishly told her that I loved her. It doesn't mean that we wouldn't do anything for each other or that we're not planning on being together for a long time; it just means that she isn't comfortable expressing herself in that context, and honestly, neither am I. You've just got to give it time. Try not to get wrapped up in this one thing and tree and see the forest for the trees in what seems like a pretty solid and fulfilling relationship. It boggles my mind that people are suggesting that you dump him or suggest going to therapy with him over this.

I just wanted to tell you that you have no obligation to do this go out of your way to take the pressure off and that having these conversations with him isn't about you "acting out in insecurity.

I was with a man who told me this and it did a doozy on my self esteem over time. I think for him it partially had to do with divorce issues he'd encountered growing up - he didn't want to profess his love to anyone unless it was sure beyond a doubt that we'd be together forever and he'd raised that bar to level that I think it would have been difficult to clear regardless of the quality of our relationship.

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So, that's just to say that it's probably not about you. That's not to say that you should wait around for him to work through his stuff, though. Your time is valuable. I've been this shitty guy, and i've watched my friends be this shitty guy or person or be with this shitty guyperson. Please just break up. This is the worst mid 20s commitmentphobe dude bullshit.

Either he doesn't really like you, or he's being the classic brood emotionally unclear dude thing. It will fade again, and he will become weird brooding uncertain dude again.

Long Term Couples Who Haven't Said "I Love You" Yet

These guys need to date themselves until they figure out what the hell they want. And please, don't take it too hard when 6 months after you break up he's engaged to someone else. He Just Wasn't That Into You and was to much of a manchild to actually pull the trigger and break up. This is like, undergrad college wishy washy BS. Please take my word for this. I really have been this guy. Okay so, I have a friend who is going through a similar thing.

She and her boyfriend have been together 9 months, and he just recently was able to say "I love you. Recently, she confided in me that the sex isn't great with her boyfriend, and he doesn't enjoy kissing her. In fact, it sounds like their relationship is pretty crappy, the more I hear about it. So I kind of feel like, he knows their relationship isn't great and that's why he didn't want to say "I love you" and seal the deal.

However, he has now been guilted into it and maybe they'll go on to get married and have terrible sex and not ever kiss. So if the "I love you" thing is just a portion of your problems, and in the back of your head you know this relationship isn't super great, I would suggest that you end it. You deserve to be with someone who drives you wild, and so does he!

Normally I would say that his actions seem to indicate love and that perhaps u just define it differently. For me love isn't sparks and magic, it's a deep connection with an intentional decision to love, commit, endure, cherish etc. It is practical but it is real. For other people love is a passionate flame and fireworks and if they don't feel the sparks it isn't love. So there is possibly that.

However, I also have a hard time imagining cohabitating and planning a future with someone I don't love. And then telling th it might happen because, I don't want to feel like I've lost if they've left and the "what if I made a mistake" feeling. Its been a year and a half and like someone stated before your time is precious. What if he never loves you? Can you live with that? Will you be happy? I don't think so.

And there's nothing wrong with not being ok with it, most people want to be loved. On top of that most people give out love more willingly. I don't think love usually takes this long and clearly it's already caused damage. I think you should figure out your living situation and move on. OP, could this possibly be cultural? Even though you didn't say it.. I am wondering if you or your boyfriend are from a culture where the word love isn't so easily expressed.

Anyway, it seems weird that he's holding back on saying it, especially when he's talking about the future with you and knows that it deeply matters to you Who knows why he's being so constrained about this. It's a weird situation, and I'm sorry you're going through it. It's totally reasonable to expect the person you're committing to be with, to say that they love you, in whatever shape or form that takes.

Not saying "I love you" but expressing it other ways is one thing What does your gut say? Or is your gut overwhelmed by confusion over this? If so, I think you should take a break from each other, and then reassess after some time and distance. To expand on what i said above, a lot of people do this thing with a lot of situations in life. Lets say you walk around for almost your entire lunch hour and can't decide where to eat. Eventually you go in to a new place that looks pretty good, and your friends said it's good.

You order a chicken and rice plate, which is supposed to be their specialty. Hey, that sounds pretty inoffensive anyways. Even if it's not good, how much could it suck? It comes out, and it's just Fairly bland, not that well prepared.