Problems with dating older men

Dating is difficult. Let’s face it. Finding someone who is compatible, has some emotional maturity and who can be a life partner you can count on is a struggle. Some of us are old souls and mesh well with those who are a little bit older and wiser. And this puts you right in the bucket to consider dating an older man. There can be an allure that comes with dating someone older. But, there is a bunch of other stuff to consider too.

Dating an older man who is more mature and who has a high level of self-awareness of who they are as a person can shift your world in some pretty unique ways. It’s not that an older man is necessarily better. It’s just that being with an older man can equate to teaching you about real-life experiences because they have usually been there done that, offer you unique perspectives on what may appear to be obstacles in your life, and they are living proof of these experiences. And this can feel very different versus dating someone your own age or younger.

I narrowed it down to 10 things you can expect when you date an older man:

1. Open Communication — As you mature and get older, holding back your feelings, your point of view, and your perspective become less instinctive. Being straightforward and honest about your feelings is something you are more likely to do. You will experience this firsthand when you date an older man. It can be very refreshing if you feel like you have been stuck dating people who are less than honest or transparent in expressing how they feel about you, life, or just things in general.

2. There is less judgment of who you are — One of the things that can be refreshing about dating someone more mature is that they have learned to have self-acceptance. Therefore, they tend to encourage you to accept who you are too.

If you are struggling with your uniqueness, quirkiness, or those weird eccentric qualities that others peg as weird, when you are with someone older and mature, they have often learned through life experiences that everything doesn’t always necessarily fit neatly in a box. In fact, they may relish having someone around who is multi-faceted and brings a different perspective. Bottom line is you may feel more comfortable being true to yourself with someone more mature.

3. Better sex — When a man has some maturity under his belt, pun fully intended this can translate into him being a better lover and sexual partner. Since time is on his side and he is older, he has had time to realize what may not have been effective and ineffective in the bedroom.

Men, as they mature, also start to crave more of an emotional connection versus a purely physical one. If they are truly mature, which comes with age, it’s harder for them to build a relationship and sleep with someone purely based on physical attraction. And what this equates to in your relationship is someone who is willing to put in the work to get to know you, which usually results in a better sexual experience with you.

4. Maturity brings some insights along with a different perspective on life.With some maturity comes some real-life experiences. You go through ups and downs and you learn to navigate through various obstacles to move forward.

Dating someone older means they can provide you with some insights and different perspectives when you encounter something which can seem insurmountable. It can save you time and needless energy overthinking a problem and more importantly help you move forward quicker.

5. More patience — Aging and getting older teaches you something you cannot escape, patience. Things just don’t happen overnight. Being with an older man can be a good balance for you especially in a world where things move at a hyper pace.With maturity comes a greater appreciation for the little things in life and being with someone mature can help you learn to slow down, relax, and recalibrate.

6. Shared personal growth — Sometimes with someone your age, it can be a little competitive. There might be a need to outdo one another when you are closer in age and achievements. When someone is older and because they are more established, they may not have the same need to compete with you. This age dynamic can dial back the immaturity of poor communication and ego-busting that can happen with someone that is closer to your age. In fact, they may become your biggest cheerleader pushing you to levels you may not have felt you could accomplish.

7. They had a life before you. — Yes, dating an older man means he has some history. It can include past marriage(s), relationships, kids, grandkids, etc. Navigating this in your relationship with an older man can take some patience on your part. You will also need to have clear parameters and communication with one another of what to expect for one another as far as their relationships with ex-wives, kids, etc.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions about past relationships he may have had, how he navigated through the relationship, divorce, etc. It can provide you with clarity on his intentions, his relationship patterns, and help you determine if he is the right fit for you. The past is generally a strong indicator of future behavior. If he has a history of infidelity, emotional/physical abuse, or other issues, keep your eyes wide open so you can determine if the behavior has been corrected or if it is repeatable.

8. He might be set in his ways. The older you get, with the comfort of knowing thyself, comes a comfort of doing things a certain way. When a man has had a level of success and is happy with the way he is, trying to break habits that might annoy you or introduce him to things outside of his comfort zone may not be so easy. Hang in there. In a relationship where you mix someone a relationship of someone who is younger with someone older, if you are truly compatible, you can both learn and teach one another valuable lessons.

9. He is more stable. This isn’t a rule for every older man. But, generally, if you are dating someone older, they should be more stable. They should have some level of consistency in their life as they should have been able to create a more solid foundation in their life. This stability can be soothing versus dating someone who is still trying to figure out who they are, what they need to accomplish, and where they are heading.

10. They help you to be more balanced.Someone who is has a level of maturity and understanding of life can help you to learn to not take yourself so seriously. They have lived a little more than you have and realize that life comes one day at a time. Bringing this clarity into your life can help you learn to ease back, relax, and be a bit less intense.

Dating an older man won’t necessarily solve all of your dating woes. Every relationship comes with something in the mix. But, going into it with your eyes wide open will give you clear expectations of what to expect when and if you do decide to date an older man.