Marias time interracial dating

Manette Newbold

Since Audrey Oldham began dating her boyfriend Eric Schwartz 5 1/2 years ago, she said she has learned to appreciate rice – and lots of it.

Oldham, who is originally from Idaho and Oregon, said dating someone who is Japanese has helped her learn to appreciate diversity and different opinions from her own.

“We have lots of new food,” said Oldham, who is Caucasian and attends USU as a graduate student in clinical psychology. “We eat a lot of rice, which is great. It’s something I wouldn’t have experienced otherwise.”

Sitting next to her, Schwartz said he admits he is taking his girlfriend out for sushi for her birthday. He also said the couple often eats a lot of teriyaki chicken and marinated steak. He said his grandparents are from Japan, moved to America and had three children who all married Caucasians.

Schwartz grew up in Southeast Alaska and said for him and his family, dating outside of his ethnicity was not a big deal. Now that he and Oldham have been together, it seems their differences only add to their relationship.

Interracial relationships are becoming more and more common in the United States. Marriages between different races alone have increased is the U.S. from .04 percent (149,000) in 1960 to 2.4 percent (1,348,000) of all marriages in 2000, according to the U.S. Census 2000.

Elisaida Mendez, graduate student in clinical psychology, is currently teaching multicultural psychology and is writing her thesis on interracial couples. She said through all the interviews she has completed, not one interracial couple has said they regretted their relationship.

Mendez, who is from Puerto Rico, has experienced interracial relationships and said learning about the different cultures can not only help each person understand a new culture, but their own as well. One person may realize his or her partner acts in a certain way because of ethnicity, and in turn come to understand the things unique to his or her own culture.

“The challenge is to learn and understand their mind set, to understand attitudes that might not be in your cultural background and not to take offense, to be open-minded enough to question where their mind set is comes from,” Mendez said.

Other challenges may include facing discrimination from the public or loved ones. Mendez said although she dated an Asian whose parents did not have any reservations toward the relationship, she also dated a Caucasian whose parents did not make it easy on the couple.

“His parents wouldn’t meet me so I couldn’t go to his family activities, and when they found out the relationship was serious, they threatened to disown him,” she said.

Although Oldham and Schwartz said they have not faced any major issues with intolerance, Schwartz said he thought the Oldham’s grandparents didn’t like him when they first met. Other than that, the couple said they couldn’t think of any time when they felt prejudice against their relationship.

Interracial couple Maria and David said most people just find them unique, Maria being of Latin descent and David being of European descent. The couple, who did not want their last names to be mentioned in this article, said they have known each other for about a year and have been dating since the spring.

“People just think we’re an interesting couple,” said Maria, who is getting a master’s degree in engineering.

One thing that sets them apart from Oldham and Schwartz is not only are they different ethnicities, but they both grew up in their native countries as well, which means they have to communicate using their second language, which is English for both of them. Most of their communication with other family members has been through the Internet.

David, who is working on getting a doctorate in mathematical statistics, said Maria has only met his father and brothers through instant messaging, although he was able to meet Maria’s mother when she came to visit recently.

Maria said it’s been fun to date someone outside her ethnicity because of the food.

“We try different food and different flavors and styles,” she said. “I cook and then try the way he cooks, and I love both ways.”

Because interracial couples get to try new things from other cultures, Mendez said the relationships can be very enriching. In Puerto Rico, she said she knew a couple where the husband was a white American and the wife was Puerto Rican. They had seven children and a good mix of culture, she said.

“In Puerto Rico, there is no American football, but with them, we would play American football on the beach,” she said.

If an interracial couple has children, they may be discriminated against, depending on the combination of races, Mendez said. Also, depending on the different ethnicities, one partner may be more equipped to cope with racial issues, she said. For example, if a black person has children with someone of another race, Mendez said he or she will be better able to discuss intolerance and other ethnic issues with the children.

“If you’ve never been discriminated against, you can’t teach those coping skills,” she said.

The children also go through a different ethnic identity development process, Mendez said. If one race has negative connotations in society, the child may feel an inner struggle, she said, and may feel like he or she has to choose between the two ethnic groups. However, within the family circle, children who grow up with parents of two different ethnic groups may learn to be very well-rounded, she said.

“It could be a fun learning experience,” she said. “The total experience of mixed race can be enriching and can lead you to be more open-minded and accepting.”

If two people are interested in dating, they shouldn’t let skin color hold them back, Schwartz said.

“Go for it as if it were any relationship,” he said. “Being open-minded regardless of the race is the best thing possible.”

If she had any advice for those in interracial relationships, Mendez said to worry less about the ethnicity and more about the person.

“Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s great, but marriage is marriage,” she said. “Go for it. Definitely. It’s relationships with human beings. It’s fun, it’s enriching, it’s learning. For some, it’s stepping outside of their comfort zone. I know of many interracial marriages that are doing well. It’s about valuing what people have to offer.”

Besides, Maria said, “If love is in between, I think you are able to understand.”

-manette.n@aggiemail.usu.edu