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Just as important as knowing what to do in flirting and dating situations is knowing what not to do. You can follow every piece of good advice you get about how to act around women, but if you just add those to your repertoire and don’t weed out things that are dragging you down, you’re not going to see much success.

1. Don’t talk in depth about past relationships
Mentioning your ex is okay if it’s applicable to the conversation but avoid getting into the past relationship conversation at all. Stay present! Do you want to hear about all her past lovers?! Neither does she!

2. Don’t avoid eye contact
Eye contact is the way humans connect. By avoiding eye contact, you are giving up one of the oldest signs of confidence and even dominance. This is primal stuff – evolutionary even. Looking her in the eye when you ask her questions and when she responds shows her that you are confident in yourself, that you’re truly interested in her and that you are a big enough man to engage emotionally.

3. Don’t keep your hands to yourself
While we’re taught that touching other people should only be done in intimate settings, friendly touch is a great way to portray confidence and connect with your prospective date. Keep it nice and platonic; rest assured that if you play it right, you’ll get to the sexual touching later. Shake her hand when you greet her. Touch her on the arm to point something out. Tap her on the shoulder to emphasis a punch line or a compliment.

4. Don’t devalue yourself
If you go into the situation believing she is too good for you, you’ve already lost the game. No matter how much you swagger, she’ll be able to sense that you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence. If you can’t even summon up the confidence and self worth to approach an attractive woman to ask her on a date, you need to be working on your self image, learning to appreciate and value who you are, and taking a break from the dating scene.

5. Don’t ignore her body language and reactions
Barreling forward with your carefully planned flirtation strategy might make you feel truly prepared for once, but you’ll fail for one simple reason: Attraction is about both you AND her. If you try one technique and it falls flat, don’t just reach into your toolbox and try something else. Note her reaction to your first attempt. What went wrong? Did she pull away? Did she give you a look? Determine whether you came on too strong or didn’t portray enough confidence, or if you have offended her or simply not piqued her interest.

So, remember, no matter how many tricks and techniques you learn, if you aren’t present in the moment, observing and connecting with her, you aren’t going to have any luck. Men who have a long history of failed flirtations sometimes grab onto what they believe will be miracle fixes. This list of things to avoid doing will guide you in the right direction, but if you aren’t relaxed and gauging her body language and the way she is reacting to your come-ons, you’re going to go home alone tonight. No woman wants a man who is so caught up in himself and his own plans that he forgets to engage in the moment he is sharing with her.