Cheating while dating vs marriage

Few people enter into a relationship with the express intention of committing infidelity. However, the harrowing truth is that cheating is definitely a reality for far too many couples. In fact, approximately 16 percent of married women and men admit to having been unfaithful, according to a 2018 report from the Institute for Family Studies.

So, what can you do to avoid having your heart broken? Well, the first step is learning the signs that your partner is at least thinking about cheating on you. For instance, you'll want to be careful if they're getting overly curious about when you'll be home. And if they ever ask you about your thoughts on cheating, then you know infidelity is on their mind. Here are 33 tips from relationship experts on some common things people will say if they want to cheat (or if they already are). And if you're worried that your relationship is falling apart, try these 50 Best Marriage Tips From Couples Who've Been Married for 50 Years.

If your partner ever says something like this, then you should consider that it's something they're genuinely thinking about doing, or at least that they're not happy in the relationship currently.

"When cheating is on the horizon, I often hear partners… list a certain kind of person, a location, time of day, or they may even name someone in their life," says Racine Henry, PhD, owner of Sankofa Therapy, a New York City-based relationship therapy group. And for more things to be on the lookout for, here are The 33 Most Common Reasons Why Relationships Fail.

If your partner has had the same haircut for a decade but comes home one day with a bold new 'do, this could "indicate an effort to impress another person," says Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and co-owner of Double Trust Dating, an online and in-person dating service. And it's not just a new haircut you should be on the lookout for. Any big changes in appearance, like "losing weight, buying new clothes, or starting to wear makeup more often," could be subtle signs of cheating, according to Bennett. And if you want to salvage your relationship, Here's How to Spice Up Your Relationship.

A person in a committed relationship should be able to tell you where their partner is when they aren't with them. However, someone who's on the verge of cheating (intentionally or otherwise) will stop checking in with their spouse or significant other, if only to try to forget that they have one in the first place.

Though the partner cheating (or thinking about cheating) is in the wrong, they are often also the one in the relationship trying to bring their partner down due to their own guilt over their thoughts and/or actions.

"Often someone who is cheating is feeling a lot of guilt," says Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid, an adult-only online store. "Your partner can easily take out this shame on you by making you feel bad about yourself." If your partner has suddenly become more hostile and aggressive with no reasonable explanation, you might want to sit down with them for a serious discussion about your relationship. And for ways to tell that your marriage or relationship is beyond repair, read up on the The No. 1 Warning Sign Your Relationship Will Fall Apart, Say Experts.

Your partner used to text you every hour on the hour, but now they're using "too much work" as an excuse to be MIA all day. If this sounds familiar, then be careful: It could be one of the red flags that infidelity is on the horizon.

"If your partner withdraws attention, then he or she might be giving it to other people," says Bennett. "For example, if you used to get a lot of text messages and photos throughout the day but that suddenly stops with no explanation, someone else might be getting that attention."

"When a relationship isn't working out, you might find your partner is sharing less and less with you," explains Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, director of the Baltimore Therapy Center. "You used to hear about their day at work, and now it's mostly just, 'Nothing much happened.' Sharing is a sign of closeness and connection—and when that deteriorates, it's a sign that you are becoming more disconnected instead." And for ways to nurture the closeness that once existed, try the 21 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Marriage.

"Rarely do partners have a clear and honest conversation about exactly what behaviors they consider to be unfaithful and that sometimes leads to unintentional cheating," says Henry. Of course, this doesn't apply to cheating in the traditional sense, but refers more to emotional cheating or overstepping the boundary between friendship and something more. If you want your partner to stay faithful, it is essential that you sit down with them and clarify precisely what "cheating" entails.

Some spouses just want to know when their husband or wife is coming home because they miss them and can't wait to see them. Less honorable spouses, however, could be checking in because they want to know how much time they have to sneak around, or to explore the idea of being with someone else through dating apps or online chat rooms.

If your significant other is looking to spice things up in the bedroom, it could be an indication that they find the current situation to be lackluster and unsatisfactory. And while it's good that they're still trying to salvage the relationship you have, this could also be a sign that your partner is considering finding satisfaction elsewhere. And for more interesting dating advice, sign up for our daily newsletter.

Again, your partner trying new things in bed isn't necessarily a bad thing. But if they're suddenly showing up in the bedroom with moves you've never seen before, you may want to question what—or who—is giving them these ideas.

"Yes, [your partner] could be learning a thing or two from the porn they watch, or maybe they've been doing some research in a lifestyle magazine—but if you aren't sure where these new moves are coming from, your partner could be learning them from someone else," says Ricciardi.

A person's insecurities can interfere with their relationships in many major ways. Not only will an insecure person question whether they're worthy of being in a relationship and create problems that don't exist, but often times they will also seek validation in other places, including by cheating.

It's hard to be in a healthy relationship when your inner thoughts are constantly telling you that you're too fat or too ugly to be loved by someone, let alone someone as incredible as your significant other. And when someone is too insecure to love their body, they might seek external affirmation—and not only from their partner.

It's easy—and natural!—to fall into a routine in a long-term relationship. However, if you don't make an effort to change it up every once in a while, your partner might lose interest in the relationship altogether and instead try to find someone who will take them out on the town.

Ironically, an easy way to tell if your spouse is cheating on you is by how often they accuse you of cheating. "This is often a sign of self-guilt, and it also will put the blame on you, causing you to be on the defense and distracted from their actions," says Ricciardi. "It's quite manipulative… because they get so upset during the conversation, you start to think they hate cheating and would never do it to you, when in reality they might have already."

If you're trying to plan a vacation a few months in advance but your partner keeps putting it off with one excuse after another, this might be a sign that they're starting to see a future with someone else. When someone is unhappy in their current situation, they will avoid making plans or even talking about the long term, since for them any plans would just prolong the inevitable breakup and get in the way of their new life and relationship.

Take note of whether your significant other is using the word "I" or "we" when they talk about the future. If they're starting to use the former, it could mean that they're imaging a future without you in it, explains Dr. Ramani Durvasula, licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert with Tone Networks. "They might start saying things like, 'I sure hope to go to Bali someday,' 'I would love to buy a house in Spain'—that sort of thing," Durvasula says.

You come home from work with flowers and chocolates for your significant other—but instead of reacting with excitement and gratitude, they act like you just brought home a box of deadly spiders. This could be because your spouse isn't emotionally invested in the relationship, and so the last thing they want is for you to be nice to them. In their mind, the meaner you are, the easier it is for them to justify their actions.

When a person begins to lose interest in their relationship, they may look for thrill and adventure in other areas of their life before they decide to venture into the uncharted territories of infidelity. If your parter starts hinting at trying crazy, adventurous activities that they've never mentioned before (like skydiving or extreme rock-climbing), this could be an indication that the relationship isn't providing them with the stimulation they crave.

Catching your significant other staring at you when you aren't looking might feel like a good sign, but it could actually be an indication that trouble is brewing. When someone is questioning their current situation, they will take any opportunity they can get to analyze their partner and even compare them to the other men or women in their life who they are considering romantically.

People who cheat on their significant others with someone in their life—say, a good friend or a colleague—might make an effort to stop mentioning that person in conversation so as to avoid an accidental slip-up. And when you try to bring that person up in conversation, you'll notice that your spouse will hastily reroute the conversation, emphasizing how they barely even talk to so-and-so anymore.

When your partner suddenly starts to become secretive about where they're going and what they're doing, it could be because they're sneaking around behind your back. They may also get defensive and shift the blame when you ask questions, retorting with "Why do you care?" and "It's none of your business where I am all the time!"

Your partner always used to change the station when Luke Bryan was on, but now all of a sudden, they're jamming out in the car with "Country Girl" on repeat. Of course, they could've found their inner Southern charm, but maybe they're listening to the music they once detested because it reminds them of someone else—particularly, someone they have feelings for. Your partner might not be cheating yet, but the fact that they're making an effort to enjoy someone else's taste in music is a sign that infidelity isn't far off.

When someone is on the verge of committing adultery, they want to mask their guilt behind niceties, partially to distract their partner and partially to make themselves feel better about their wrongdoings. "There might be a lot more compliments when a partner is starting to think about infidelity," says Durvasula. "They will perhaps even go out of their way to be nice or helpful."

Someone who's committing infidelity–or thinking about it—definitely isn't trying to resolve the problems in their current relationship. "The assumption is that the partner won't understand and/or won't make the necessary changes to meet the person's needs," says Henry.

In fact, many people will use cheating as an opportunity to break things off and start anew with another partner. "They delight in the ease of creating something else with a person they have less investment in and less history with," she adds.

If your significant other is cheating on you, then there is likely evidence on their phone. And because they don't want to get caught, they are going to guard this evidence at all costs, making sure to never leave their phone unattended—especially with you.